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​Have you read it? Seen it? Heard about it? It’s a Barnes and Nobles Book of the Year illustrated novel and an Academy Award-winning short film. Still, most importantly, it is a beautifully illustrated story about friendship and a boy learning life lessons from a group of animals.  Before—and after—the hoopla of awards and recognition, this is a powerful story of friendship that serves as a springboard for conversations about well-being.  Whether you are an adult or a child, there are valuable opportunities to begin or extend your thinking about well-being concepts such as kindness, optimism, and gratitude.

What is well-being literacy? The intentional use of well-being-relevant vocabularies, knowledge, and language skills, such as kindness, optimism, and gratitude, to improve the well-being of oneself, others, and the world is coined well-being literacy.  One of the reasons this story is so powerful is because it discusses well-being concepts that matter so clearly and delightfully.  The captivating pictures and simple text make this story easy for adults and children alike to be more thoughtful. 

Today, let’s focus on one of the essential ideas woven throughout the story: kindness. There are certainly others to be mined, such as optimism and gratitude. We will save those for another day!

Did you know that kindness creates positive changes in the brain? It boosts the chemicals serotonin and dopamine.  And endorphins can be released. These neurotransmitters in the brain give you feelings of satisfaction and well-being. They cause the pleasure/reward center of your brain to light up.  Our brains also release the hormone oxytocin, which is responsible for feelings of love and trust. It supports bonding, arouses empathy, promotes positive memories, and helps us communicate positively.  Research connects oxytocin with generosity. For example, people infused with oxytocin were 80% more generous in sharing money with a stranger than those without oxytocin. 

Regularly performing kindness behaviors can enhance thinking skills such as creativity and flexibility. Research has shown that agents or givers of kindness demonstrate increases in self-esteem, empathy, and compassion. They also become more resilient, psychologically and physically. Significant physiological impacts include reduced inflammation, decreased blood pressure, and decreased cortisol (i.e., Fredrickson & Kok, 2016; Mayo Clinic, 2020; Post, 2005). 

And, remember, kindness is a two-for!! It benefits both the giver and the receiver. So light up your brain with some acts of kindness.

“I’m not afraid,” said the mole. “If I wasn’t caught in this snare, I’d kill you,” said the fox.  “If you stay in that snare, you will die said the mole.  So, the mole chewed through the wire with his tiny teeth. 

Mackesy provides an example of courageous kindness, choosing to extend kindness to another even when those around us aren’t kind; it may include fear, anxiety, and/or an element of risk. What are ways that you or the children in your life are kind? Do you know anyone who is kind in a courageous way?

Of course, acts of kindness do not need to be this fearless. Ideally, they are consistent and intentional. Dr. Ishak, the author of the Science of Kindness and professor of psychiatry at Cedar-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles, asserts that consistency is essential. He explains that acts of kindness have to be repeated. From a physiological perspective, a single act of kindness provides an oxytocin boost that lasts 3-to-4 minutes. We want more feel-good hormones than that!

Random acts of kindness is not only a popular phrase; it promotes many excellent and helpful acts. In fact, research shows that being kind to strangers is a good thing. Acts of kindness to strangers have equally positive effects on happiness as kindness to ourselves and loved ones.  However, consistency and intentionality bump up the benefits. Passmore and Oades (2016) take the notion of random acts of kindness even a step further with their concept of CAKE, a consistent approach to kindness and empathy. This approach encourages one to display acts of kindness to others by holding an empathetic stance towards all well meet-- whether they are friends, strangers, or even those without good intentions, such as the person who cuts in front of us in line or perhaps the colleague we see shouting at his staff.   

CAKE encourages the individual to adopt a mindset, not just when the mood takes them, but as a permanent way of being.  Can you learn to think and act this way more consistently, not just on the one day of the week designated to do a random act of kindness?

Intentionality is key.  By building an intentional practice, one can move from occasional random acts of kindness to a CAKE mindset. Purposefully practicing acts of kindness daily will eventually become integrated into our daily routine and part of our mindset.  Begin with intentionality, and eventually, kindness will become woven into the fabric of your day and become a part of your mindset. Thus, yielding you all the wonderful benefits discussed and the benefits to your recipients.  

​Take an ecological approach to your kindness practice. Extend kindness in your personal relationships and with your family. Consider your other environments, including friends, co-workers, school, neighborhood, and self-compassion. And remember yourself.  Kindness to you, or self-compassion, will undoubtedly set you awash will all the feel-good hormones and light up your brain!​

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​Find the book at www.charleymackesy.com

How is your well-being, my friend? Are you kind to yourself? Research suggests that people who are self-compassionate or kind to themselves experience many benefits (Neff, 2009; Allen & Leary, 2010; Zessin, Dickhauser, & Garbade, 2015). They have greater life satisfaction, less anxiety and depression, greater mindfulness, and more compassion for others. Individuals experiencing stress and challenge (i.e., infant and early childhood brain architects, K-12 teachers, and parents) exposed to self-compassion strategies demonstrate higher levels of well-being, such as optimism, positive affect, and personal initiative. When we practice self-compassion, we feel more confident and view ourselves more positively. Be kind to yourself to have increased motivation, improved productivity, better relationships, and better physical health. 

But why is being kind to ourselves so hard? Do you find yourself being self-critical sometimes? That's okay, my friend. It's natural and healthy to experience a wide range of thoughts and feelings, including less pleasant ones like unhappiness, disappointment, or guilt. There are no right and wrong thoughts; some serve one well while others do not.

Are you worried that being kind to yourself is self-indulgent? That is a common concern, but research shows that being too self-compassionate will NOT undermine motivation. Instead, people who practice self-compassion tend to have the greater personal initiative to make needed changes and are likelier to take on new challenges (Zessin, Dickhauser, & Garbade, 2015).

Are you convinced yet?! Let’s go for it! Treating oneself kindly can look like taking time and space to give oneself a break emotionally. Or, it can look like mental acts of self-kindness, such as engaging in self-talk that is positive, encouraging, and forgiving (Allen & Leary, 2010). Learning to turn negative thinking into positive thinking takes time and practice as one creates a new habit. One positive self-talk exercise you can do to help increase your self-compassion is the practice of reframing your inner conversation or “quieting your inner critic.” This exercise should be repeated over several weeks to eventually form the blueprint for changing how one may relate to oneself long-term.

1. First, notice when you are being self-critical. Become aware of your inner dialogues. Begin to notice when you say or think things to yourself, such as “I can’t,” “I don’t know,” “This is too hard for me,” or “I’m not good at it.”
2. Second, pay attention to both your inner speech and tone. Note the language or phrases you use when talking with yourself, but also be aware of the tone. Do you sound kind and loving? Or do you sound judgmental? Harsh? Or, like a snappy, irritable teen?
3. Third, soften your critical voice from judgment to compassion. Now that you have identified the message and tone,  ease or change it to one of kindness.

Always remember to stand in a friend’s shoes. Relate to yourself as you would relate to a friend. Steps 1, 2, and 3 are more accessible and productive when we do this. If a friend said to us, "This is so hard, I just can't get it." We would never say, "You are right, Sally; it’s too hard for you. You’ll never get it." Instead, we would encourage our friend Sally by saying something like, "Sure you can, Sally. With some more practice, you will get it!" Be kind to yourself, and talk to yourself like you would to a friend.

Learning to turn negative thinking into positive thinking takes time and practice; you are creating a new habit. One way to set yourself on a positive path is to practice "outside" of the moment. Then, the next time you have a negative thought, you will have a positive thought prepared and ready as a substitution. Following are some common self-critical phrases and sample positive statements or reframes. These include ideas shared by educators who have participated in our various professional developments and presentations. Use these as examples to support you in quieting your inner critic.  Try brainstorming additional positive phrases, and/or reach out to us for even more examples.  Try substituting these scripts to replace your negative or self-critical talk.

Sample Reframing for Positive Thinking Ideas

Use your friends! Brainstorm with a friend or colleague for additional practice. Create positive statements to replace the following: I don't know how. I'm too old, or I'm too young, and I'm not ready. Do you have any other examples of negative self-talk you want to create a reframe or positive script for? Lean on your friend to help you be kind to yourself. Practice self-compassion as one way to nurture your well-being. You just may feel more optimistic, motivated, and positive. Perhaps you will have improved productivity, better relationships, and improved physical health. Most importantly, by being self-compassionate, you will have a new friend, YOU!

Reach out for more ideas!  Share your email and subscribe below to get  20+ Reframing for Positive Thinking Ideas FREE. ​ We will email you if we update the resource or develop other great tips about self-compassion.